How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
