Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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