He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
