It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
