Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
