I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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