I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
