I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
