So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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