Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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