dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
