i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
