I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
