Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
