So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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