Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
