It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
