they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
