blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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