thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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