I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
