Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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