have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
