none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
