history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
