somebody snuck up and got me drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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