I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
where am i from again
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
