She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
