was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
