So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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