Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Please don't give away my fajitas
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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