i was born a porn star she said
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
