I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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