I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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