my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
