Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
