I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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