You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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