Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
