I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
