genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
