tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
