You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
