i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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