I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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