Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
