I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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