I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
