Is it because I queefed?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
