dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
