Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
