Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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