i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
