do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
