I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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