And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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