I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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