Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
