thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
