i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
