I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still dying that you shit outside
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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