My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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