lets start a swedish sibling band together
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
